Thank you thank you thank you! Everyone here has been so wonderful and supportive. I don't know how I would have managed this far if I hadn't found this forum. I probably wouldn't be pregnant. This is the scariest thing that's ever happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited too, but I think a lot of the time the fear suppresses the happiness.

I'm trying to be very patient with the father. It's taken a week but we're pretty comfortable around each other again. It's not much, but it's a step in the right direction. I don't expect that he will ever become a dad as such, but it would be nice for me to be able to tell my baby who it's father is. He kept saying he would be a deadbeat dad, but I've seen him around kids and he's remarkably good with them. There's still hope I guess.

Forgot to mention in my earlier posts that I bought my first baby clothes about two weeks ago. Just a few small things, I saw them while I was walking past a baby store and they were so cute and on sale.

Oh and no more morning sickness! My nausea has pretty much totally gone away and I'm eating everything in sight!

I just wanted to tell you how strong and mature I think you've been thus far. It's wonderful that your family is supporting you in every way even if the father isn't. I hope it all works out for you in the end.

I'm glad you're feeling better! Take it one day at a time with the baby's father... he's showing a lot of ambivalence now but maybe he'll be able to work things out in his head over time.

Thanks Reneezils and Lynellen.

It's been tough so far and will continue to be tough, I think. I'm just trying to make it through one day at a time. Some days it's hard to think about what I will be missing, but I know it will be SO worth it in the end.

Feel awful today. Had so much nausea; I didn't want to eat anything. I hope that goes away again soon. Actually caved and had to go buy new bras today. Put one of my old ones on this morning and was scared that I would pop out of it or something! I've moved up a whole cup size and I'm just fitting nicely into that now. Not sure how long my new bras will last. Glad I bought cheap ones for that reason.

Running out of patience. The father is driving me insane. I'm trying so hard to be nice to him; it's so much easier then fighting and confrontation. I'm currently getting a lecture from a friend of mine about how I should be going after child support and how much it costs to raise a child, blah blah blah. As if I don't know that! She keeps saying I should stand up for myself. I know I probably should, but I hate the thought of losing him as a friend over it. I wish he was just present enough to be a small part of my baby's life. He kept saying that he would be a deadbeat dad; that he has no assets and money in the bank. I said a baby won't care how many cars you have or what your bank account looks like. It just wants a daddy.

The father's aunt (my supervisor) knows. Tonight she asked me outright "is it someone I know, or am I related to him?" and I couldn't answer the question. This is what she said next:

"You know what, the fact that I'm even asking that question, says I already know the answer to this question. I swear on my Father, that this will be made right. what he has done is not right. He carries my name, and my family name. If he drags this through mud, and aviods his responsibility..... I will simply not stand for it. "

I can't stop crying and shaking. It's such a burden off my shoulders, but at the same time I promised not to tell. I know I technically didn't, but I still don't want him to hate me. I want him to be part of things because HE wants to be part of things. His aunt says she will have things taken care of by the end of the month. I'm so upset. I wish I could've kept my wits and covered for him. At least for awhile.

hang in there!! Maybe this is for the best she knows. hope today went ok for you

Thanks grace! I'm happy to say that things are going ok so far. He's still upset, I can tell, but he isn't showing it and isn't taking it out on me. Things were awkward this morning when he got to work, but he did something silly and I laughed without thinking. He got this look of absolute shock, then starting laughing too. I think that broke the ice.

Well I'm definitely noticing some changes these days! My hair (bangs in particular) and nails are growing like a weed. I feel the need to sit and rest often if I'm up and about, but if I sit for too long I get stiff and uncomfortable. I'm still at the weight I was pre-pregnancy as I lost any weight I gained, but I'm eating healthy so I'm not worried.

Things are looking up for once! I get my nuchal scan on Monday and I'm looking forward to that.

You're so very strong! I hope to read more of your story. I am a little confused if your still going through with adoption or keeping the baby, either way you're an amazing person!! You're taking the whole pregnancy so well. And I wouldn't stress over the baby's father no matter what you decide. Honestly, if he keeps causing you stress I'd completely sever ties with him because you don't need that in your life. You are too good and responsible of a person! If he does decide to be nice to you and help you through whatever road you take, then of course talk to him and such. But don't take added stress on yourself during an already difficult time to cater to someone else. You can't take care of everyone, worry about you and that baby first! Best of luck. Hope to read more.

Thank you for the lovely comment. After several weeks of thinking it over, I decided to keep my baby. I'm not exactly sure when I made up my mind, but I suddenly realized I was looking at baby clothes and had been planning everything out.

Things have been good with the father. I don't know what his aunt said to him, but hes been fine lately. It's a lot less stressful for me.

I got a recommendation for a daycare today. My school finishes for the semester next week so after that I will take a look at this daycare. It has very good reviews and is relatively convenient to my work. The waiting lists here are crazy so I want to get this sorted asap.